Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Why we fought the Taliban.

I have a blog on Salon.com titled "Open Letters to George W. Bush (http://blogs.salon.com/0004024). The letters are written by Bush's shadow advisor, Belacqua Jones who is a Karl Rove on Methamphetamines. I am cross posting one of his letters which explains why this country went to war with the Taliban.

Dear George,

The most exciting thing about war is not the adrenalin rush of combat; nor is it the euphoric high that comes from killing the other son of a bitch. No, George, the most exciting thing about war is that we become what we fight. We are like the warriors of old who ate a vanquished enemy’s heart that they might ingest his spirit. It is an erotic admixture of attraction and revulsion in which we are drawn to enemies who mirror us even as they repel us. When two countries clash, it’s a marriage from Hell.

Look at our history. At the end of the nineteenth century, we were highly critical of imperial Europe, so we went to war to liberate Cuba from Spanish rule and then proceeded to colonize both her and the Philippines. Whereupon we crushed a revolt by the Filipinos with a cruelty that made the Spaniards look like Girl Scouts.

When FDR took office, he pulled us out of the Depression with an exercise in social engineering unprecedented in our nation’s history. So whom do we go to war with? That master of social engineering, Adolph Hitler.

So it is interesting that right after 9/11, we went to war with the Taliban. What could this mean?

Let’s go to the video tape!

Think back to the nightmare that was the late sixties and early seventies (or look back to what little you remember of it). Who spearheaded all the screaming, hysterical demonstrations? Women did! Who gobbled down birth control pills by the handful so they could lead the sexual revolution? Women did! Who went bonkers at Kent State over a dead student? A woman did! Who burned their bras? Women did! Who is in the forefront of the battle to kill embryos? Women are! Do you see a pattern here, George? This great country almost went down the tubes because of raging female hormones! Do you see now why the Taliban attracted us even as they repelled us? It is in their spirit that we continue the battle to return women to the pedestal from which they tumbled forty years ago. Let us bring back the hats and the white gloves, the spiked heels and the valium.

Look at all your administration has accomplished. You’ve gone beyond simply packing the judiciary with anti-Roe judges. You are doing your best to lock the women of America into a statutory chastity belt. You are teaching the young women of America to keep their legs crossed until there’s a ring on their fingers. You are teaching the young men of America to throw their condoms away and keep their peckers in their pants.

On top of that, you are striking major blows against the female libido. The FDA recently refused to approve a hormone patch called Instrinsa, which is a feminine Viagra. A wise choice. Viagra is for men, only. What does a woman need a libido boost for? She can fake it; a man can’t.

Then you listened as the religious right rallied against a vaccine to prevent Human Papillomavirus (HPV), an STD that is the cause of 70 percent of the cervical cancer cases in this country. They opposed its approval by the FDA because a condom will not protect against HPV. This gives them a major talking point in their campaign against their use and a clever way to scare the young into abstinence. As a spokesman for the Family Research Council put it, “Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex.” O! The horror of it all! Thank God, the FDA did its duty and sent the vaccine back for “more testing.”

The beat goes on, George! We’ve kept the morning after pill under the counter, and refused to fund overseas charities that advocate abortion as well as charities that refuse to advocate abstinence as a way to prevent the spread of AIDS. The decency that tells others how to live their lives is making a comeback, and the world will be a better place to live because of it. It’s all about Purity Of Thought (POT), George.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones


Blogger Laughingcat51 said...

Yay Belacqua! Your truthiness overwhelms my neurons, and gives me palpitations. I'm so heppy you weighed in on this point of note, that we may note the point. I guess POT is in the same class of sacredness as precious bodily fluids. It would no doubt all go well if only we had General Jack D. Ripper and his friend Strangelove in charge of protecting our purity of thought.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Lyssa Strada said...

Ahhh... now, I see what the POT in POTUS stands for. Thank you, Belacqua!

Thank you, too, Tiresias, for providing us with your invaluable insights on men's and women's differing experiences of the world.

6:43 AM  

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